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Lessons from My Work in the Prison System

Writer's picture: Jody WilliamsJody Williams

The Quiet Power of Connection


Ernest Hemingway said, "In our darkest moments, we don't need advice." And wow, isn't that true?


This truth hits home every day in my work as a Buddhist pastoral care worker in the prison system.

When someone is at their lowest—wrestling with regret, shame, or the crushing weight of circumstances—what they need isn't a roadmap or advice. They need connection.

Think about it: when you're drowning, a life preserver doesn't come with a lecture about swimming. You need someone who is steady and present, reminding you that you're not alone.


The Healing Power of Presence

We live in a culture that celebrates quick fixes and solutions, but real healing doesn't come from advice. It comes from presence.


When I sit with someone behind bars, my job isn't to fix their problems or offer a pep talk. It's to hold space for them—to sit in the heaviness of their pain and remind them that they're still human, still worthy of compassion.


I've seen quiet moments of transformation unfold just by being there—no fixing, no words of wisdom—just listening. Pain is deeply personal, and healing happens when someone steps into that space with you and says, "I see you, and you're not alone."


Connection in the Smallest Gestures

I've learned that connection doesn't have to be big or flashy. Often, the smallest, most unassuming gestures leave the most significant impact.


Sometimes, it's sitting in silence with someone while they process their thoughts. Other times, it's a simple smile, a nod, or quietly saying, "I'm here." These small acts might feel insignificant, but they're powerful.


I've had inmates tell me that those small moments—when someone showed up without judgment or pretense—gave them hope. They said it reminded them they still mattered, even in a place designed to make them feel forgotten.

The Self-Compassion Lesson I Teach

I often share this analogy with inmates:

"There are two types of correction officers here. One is strict, harsh, and militant. The other is firm but kind and supportive. Which one helps you more?"


They always get it immediately.


It's the same when we think about how we treat ourselves. That harsh inner critic doesn't help us grow—it just tears us down. But self-compassion? That kind, steady voice allows us to heal and rebuild.


How to Show Up for Others

Whether in prison, at a kitchen table with a loved one, or comforting a stranger, the lesson is universal: your presence is more powerful than you think.


You don't need to fix someone's pain or have perfect words. Just be there.


In my work, I've seen how the simple act of holding space for someone creates ripples. It's a quiet, profound act of love—not one that tries to fix it, but one that says, "You don't have to go through this alone."


The Takeaway

The next time someone you care about is hurting, remember this: your presence is enough—more than enough.


Whether you're with a friend, a family member, or someone behind bars, connection is the most powerful gift you can give.


It's not about rescuing—it's about showing up. It's about reminding them, and maybe even yourself, that even in the most challenging moments, we're never truly alone.



Because sometimes, love doesn't need words. It just requires you.

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St. John's, Newfoundland
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Email: jodyawilliams@hotmail.com

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